Question

Reimagining BDSM

Important Points

· Positive client change happens mostly as a result of what they bring into the session, and is not due to my theory or virtuosity. Therapists should remember this and be more humble about their role in client change (for good or bad).

·        Being respectful and inviting clients to participate in and theorize about their Tx is important.

· Wondering about the “courting and wooing” metaphors for clients. Seems to have some sketchy connotations in regard to my role, which I see more as an inviter, encourager, and empathizer (not seducer). Not sure if I need to “fall in love” with my clients to do this.

· However, if the therapeutic relationship is so critical, I would like to know more about how to improve it. Duncan et al suggest asking for feedback and having conversations about it.

· “Clients have repeatedly emphasized the importance of interactions characterized by respect, connection, curiosity, and hope” (Madsen, p. 20).

·         Good quote by Jenkins on not being abusive to clients, even when they might “deserve” it (p. 23-24). Violence begets violence.

·         I like the metaphor of anthropology – seeking to understand the client’s insider meanings rather than assigning meanings of my own. Crossing cultures instead of being “therapeucentric.”Critical Reflection

 client’s theory of change, and understanding their frame of reference. I think therapists often do a poor job at this, where they are thinking one thing, and they leave the clients wondering what the plan is. I am assuming that a lot of incongruence between client and therapist perceptions could be remedied if therapists were more up front with their expectations or more inquisitive about where the client is. The Madsen chapter had a lot of good content, but was dry at times. Good to use the case studies, although again, they lost me occasionally.

Discussion Questions

  What do you think keeps therapists from being open and humble in sessions?

· What types of questions might “elicit their [client’s] frame of reference” in regard to understanding their expectations and theory of change?

·   How should we be accountable to clients?

 

 

Expert Solution

Important points

·        The presenter gives a broad view of BDSM, stating that it is about tenderness and love that reveals itself in a lifestyle viewed from an extremist point of view.

·        Extremist views are relatively about ‘chains, whips, and torture.’

·        Its extremist views are instanced by the practices associated with the lifestyle where individuals may choke each other, play with electricity and use candles on each other (TEDx Talks, 2019).

·        Its tenderness is attributed to the fact that it involves cuddling conversations and hand-holding that probe into an individual’s psyche, enhancing deep love with a partner.

·        BDSM is viewed from a traditional point of view, thus falling under the kink umbrella.

·        Its characterization of the kink umbrella is that it comes from psychological, physical, and often sexual power exchanges (TEDx Talks, 2019).

·        Role of both the dominant and the submissive can be exchanged.

·        Open communication is greatly needed for the lifestyle to be properly implemented.

·        BDSM offers a deeper understanding of relationships when compared to traditional relationships, given that it is not formulaic, where partners have preconceived expectations and assumptions about each other rather than discovering and supporting the process of learning about each other (TEDx Talks, 2019). 

·        This is brought forth by the awareness of boundaries, being attentive, aftercare, and nurturing, thus affirming that BDSM can be reimagined.

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